Prayers, Love, & Abundant Blessings for the Finale of 2011 & the Birth of 2012

    This started out to be a blog of well wishes for the holidays and on that note I begin with the following:

❤.•✯☃✯•.❤ May your life be filled with... 

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Joy Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ, 

♥ Love ♥ 

& ♪♪♪ Laughter ♪♪♪!

May you be blessed with good health, prosperity, & above all...

a sense of gratitude for all the blessings in your life.

❤.•✯☃✯•.❤

♥*✿Ѽ✿*♥Happy (◠‿◠) Thanksgiving♥*✿Ѽ✿*♥

★*´¨`*☃ Merry ✯☃✯ Christmas ☃*´¨`*★

•*¨*•.¸¸ღ❤Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❀Happy Hanukkah❀Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❤ღ¸¸.•*¨*•

✯*¨*•.¸¸❤❀Happy Kwanzaa❀❤¸¸.•*¨*✯

♥*✯☆✯*♥ ★ Happy ★ New ★ Year ★ ♥*✯☆✯*♥

 

♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღ❤.❀✯Lotsa ☃ Love✯❀.❤ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥
✿❀•*¨*•.¸¸ Prayers Without End ¸¸.•*¨*•❀✿

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Holiday Blessings to All♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
✯.•*•.☆Loving Hugs to Family & Friends☆.•*•.✯

 

     I am seeing more and more people talking about the difficulties they are facing for the upcoming holiday season. Most being financial, since so many of us are out of work, our unemployment has run out and wondering where we go from here, making do with what little assistance is available from our home state, county, etc. The thing that upsets me is the attitude of people who have never experienced the need for help from the government, friends or family. For those families going through this economical crisis, I am so sorry because I know it has to be 10 times harder on you with your children, than someone like me who's children are grown with families of their own. It makes me sad that I can't help my children financially, as they have their own struggles, I'm unable to give anything to my grandchildren, which breaks my heart, but they are doing the best they can with what they have. My parents, God bless them, have always helped out everywhere they could, even giving up things they NEEDED, to help all of us but they are both retired, have health issues, had to basically start over in their 70's, to struggle in there own way to get by. I find it is getting so much harder than I ever imagined and yet I have come to understand that you have to make choices though no matter what choice you make you lose something you need for basic survival. You try to keep the wolf from the door, you try to keep a roof over your head, to have heat so you don't freeze to death, electricity to run your medical apparatus so you can breathe, then you're left with paying for your medicine to help you stay as well as possible or buying food to nourish your body. With all of this I see why people end up eating cat food since you can get it for 25 cents a can. 

     What has our country come to. I know this is a disposable world and we just throw things away because we want something bigger, better, more technologically up to date. There are no social classes, there are only the people are well off to wealthy or damn near dirt poor & destitute. There is no middle class anymore since you are either in the class where you can get what you NEED with no trouble, or you have to decide which you need the worst, a place to live, utilities, medication, or food. That is as basic as it gets! Yet you still have to choose which one you are going to use what little money you have on. We are talking needs here...not wants. One of the richest countries in the world, that has gone in debt by overspending on totally asinine projects, equipment, etc and helping other countries out of their troubles while our own citizens go without necessities of life. A country who has given food, medical care, housing, jobs, education, etc. to people who aren't even citizens of this country! I'm sorry...did I step on someones toes? 

     I understand people from other countries wanting to come to one of the greatest countries in the world, but not at the expense of the people who were born here or who worked very hard to become citizens through the proper channels. 

     All right then, I think I have made myself quite clear that this is and has been an ongoing problem that after all these years and all this Republican/Democrat 

 

finger pointing we are getting no where....MAN UP or WOMAN UP and take responsibility for what you as our elected officials have allowed to continue to the people who depended on you, counted on you and voted for you to guide our country in a way that honored Her and Her children (we the people) by allowing us to live with the basic needs of every man woman and child. 

     Do you really think anyone in our present day government has really read the document below, and if they have, did they understand it? Our average citizens are in dire straits. I'm not saying the government is responsible for our poor choices, but I am blaming them for the lack of jobs, the lack of viable assistance to those who REALLY need it, the fact that when it comes to apples & oranges the poor pay the lion' share of the taxes to this country. I cannot stress enough how out of balance our country has become.

     Please forgive my personal additions to our Declaration of Independence but it belongs to each and every one of us who are the CITIZENS of the United States of America! So I feel the liberties I have taken with it would meet with approval of our forefathers, were they alive to see what's happening to the Country the fought for, protected, and love with their last breath

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

hen in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men (& women) are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men (& women), deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, (that's us)— That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Memories that Fall Brings

 

The beautiful colors of red, orange and gold,

That announce the changing of seasons.

The fragrance adds it's own special touch

And lifts my spirit for so many reasons.

Hearing the sound of the leaves as they crunch

As I walk through these trees so admired.

To see God's handy work around everywhere

Leaves me feeling content and inspired.

I smell the wood smoke from someone's fire

Which only sets the tone for this day.

I breathe in deeply and close my eyes

And let memories take me away.

Away from the pain that fills me up

To a place where I'm healthy once more.

Where my life is filled with laughter and love,

Everyday, as it has been before.

by Marti Gipson

Sept. 25, 2011

     Oh yes...it's one of those days. It amazes me how, even on days where my pain isn't severe, it's still there. Like a haunting spirit that lingers within, with a dullness that can only be felt enough to know it's there and to make you so uncomfortable that you still aren't yourself and every effort to accomplish anything is only a passing thought and seems impossible to do. I still have it better than most and I still have my faith and love in God, to see me through. It's a small price to pay for all the blessings I have had and continue to have in my life. I have wonderful parents who are still with me. I have the greatest sons a woman could ever hope for who have brought me lovely daughters and the most amazing grandchildren. I miss them terribly because they are all in Colorado (and Texas) but I see them when I can and talk to them as often as I can. See what I mean...truly blessed. 

     I'm also blessed to have found a wonderful man in my fall years ( and thanks to my health issues I also mean that literally :) ) to whom I am so devoted. We are having some struggles right now partially due to my health issues because there is nothing he can do to make it better and I think he is feeling at a loss. That's all right though. I understand. I am praying that we can get over this rough patch intact because I know he loves me and I am crazy about him so if you've a mind to...please pray for us both. (now I know my family will most likely see this so don't worry...everything is all right it's just one of those things.)

     I just felt like sharing this poem with you and to let you know that I'm okay, just feeling a bit on the outside looking in and it brings me down a bit and I needed to get it off my chest and this is my place to do just that.

Thanks for listening!

 ♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღ❤.❀✯Lotsa ☃ Love✯•.❤ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥
✿❀•*¨*•.¸¸ Prayers Without End ¸¸.•*¨*•❀✿
 Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥ Gentle Hugs Wrapped Around You♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Question for the day.....Chronic Pain Info- Here's a question..

Chronic Pain Info

Here's a question.. you, like I, may be dealing with multiple physical situations that cause you pain or discomfort. If in giving others an update on your life you mention that you don't feel as good as you'd like today, is that whining or is that just stating the facts?

I came across this post, above, on FB today in my feed and I thought how appropriate. Of course I had to respond to such a valid question. This was my answer: I feel sharing a bad day elicits wonderful words of encouragement & support from friends who have shared the experience and know first hand what I need the most. Just someone who cares and acknowledges & validates your feelings when some of those closest to you either can't or won't understand and look at you like "here we go again".  

     Just this morning, after a pleasant evening with my other half, he still seemed in a more loving mood than usual. I got up in pain with a headache, took some meds and sat in the recliner first thing, before he came out of his room, and waited for the meds to kick in and take the worst of it away. He came out, made a cup of coffee, and joined me in the living room for a pleasant conversation. Since I hadn't eaten anything the meds upset my tummy so I got some milk & crackers to settle it down. He mentioned he was hungry and went to the basement to get on the computer before he went to work. He came back up and I was feeling better and asked if he would like me to fix him some breakfast. His response, "that would be nice. Sounds all right, but the tone had that "for a change" note to it. I ignored it as he told me he would like a BLT, if I was feeling up to it. I got dressed and got everything ready for his BLT. I even cut it on the diagonal like he likes so well (sometimes it takes such a small thing to make them happy). I called down to him so he finished what he was doing and came up to eat. He started getting dressed for work and when he came out he told me to do the dishes, then cut the watermelon he had bought almost a week ago, 'like he does so it doesn't make a mess'. I told him I would if I could because sometimes it's hard for me to do things like that with my arthitis. He rolled his eyes and told me I'd manage. Then he proceeded to tell me to not eat all the heart out of the melon like I always do. That stopped me in my tracks, I rarely ever cut a watermelon because it's to hard sometimes to do. What I usually end up doing is cutting it up in small pieces off the rind & putting it in a container. He cuts the melons. He slices away the center and eats it to 'see if it's any good' He said this in front of his aged mother and her even more aged companion and I was so embaressed with him treating me like I'm some kind of lazy (for maybe not being able to cut the melon), selfish (for eating all the best part of the melon, NOT), woman. 

     Now I know this isn't a big deal and probably nothing to post about but this is, and has been, an ongoing issue, worse since I got to the point physically that most of the time I am very limited in what I can do and the length of time it takes me to get it done. I'm sure most who read this will think..."and she thinks she's got it rough". Well the point is this...I do have a limited ability and I should not be shamed or blamed for it. It doesn't matter how small of a detail it is, they add up and soon a lot of tiny little remarks add up to an huge volume of those little nasty remarks & embarrassments to fill you heart, mind, & soul with hurt & humiliation to totally destroy your spirit. 
     This is precisely why I posted that answer and why I am posting it in this blog. I desperately need the encouragement & love I get from people, most of whom I have never met face to face, because those who are suppose to love and care about me, only do it at their convenience. No...don't get me wrong, I don't mean my immediate family, I mean my fiance & his family. The people I live with day in and day out. So beloved FB, Fibro & other Invisible Disability friends, please know when I whine it's because I need to know someone really understands and really cares how I'm coping and offers me that love & compassion because they know what it's like. So thank you for your love & support whenever I come to you whining because I'm hurting & sad & feeling a bit sorry for myself. This, too, shall pass.

•*¨*•.¸¸ღ❤Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❀Love, Gentle Hugs & Prayers❀Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❤ღ¸¸.•*¨*•

Possibilities of Love

I am a well of love that fills to the brim then overflows. It's a bottomless well fed eternally by the love of God for it is He that fills me.

I love my family and friends but I also feel love toward people I don't know and may never have the opportunity to meet around the world. I sometimes wonder if I am just one of a privileged few to feel this depth of love, that it fills my heart near to exploding with the joy of it. I see so much to love all around me in so many ways. I see the beauty in nature and I feel love. I see children happily playing together in harmony and I feel love. I hear the voice of an earthbound angel singing a song that touches me and I feel love. I see an aging couple across a small table holding hands and I feel love. I see a soldier coming home or heading off on deployment, arms wrapped around his wife or girlfriend or kneeling to hug his children and I feel love. I see a doe in the woods with her beautiful spotted twins grazing next to her and I feel love. There are so many things in this world filled with trials & suffering and yet these visions of love are what fill my heart and remind me without love there is nothing.  ♥*´¨`*♥....and the greatest of these is love.♥*´¨`*♥


The reason this topic came to mind is because there are so many friends I have made on the social site of Face Book and I feel love for them no matter where they are in the world. How blessed I feel to be able to love others and feel their love in return. Love breeds peace and harmony while hate breeds contempt and selfishness. 

1 Corinthians 13 4:7 

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

1 Corinthians 13:13

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Where did I go?

I have been looking back over my life and remembering the person I used to really like but I've changed so much in the last several years that I am not sure who I am anymore. I know I'm sadly disappointed in myself because even though I try, I can't do many of the things I used to enjoy so much. With my invisible illnesses it's really hard to let people know why I am so different now because other than being older I still look healthy enough. Because of the pain, which leads to depression, which leads to anxiety, which leads to, which leads to, which leads to, and the vicious cycle continues. I have become almost a recluse sometimes and I'm not totally sure why. I know I have isolated myself and I have insulated myself to life in some ways. Where I used to be so outgoing and friendly, I am now nervous around people. Where I used to be the first one ready to go out to dinner or for drinks with friends, I still want to do that but now I drag my feet so long and people get tired of waiting. I am just so filled with dread of the pain it causes me when I'm hurting already to go out & do anything. I can't make plans or just drop what I'm doing to go do something with friends because I can't guarantee I'm going to be up for it. I know it's hard for those who don't deal with this on a daily basis to be able to understand where I'm coming from. I think many people just think I don't want to do things with them anymore and if they only knew how much I miss my interaction with peers. I feel like I have no friends because they can't understand what they have never experienced so I can't be angry at them and feel like they have deserted me because in reality, I have deserted them. I have my friends on FB who are suffering along with me but they are all over the world. That isn't to say that they aren't friends in the truest sense because they are there for me online any time I need to vent. They pray for me, they offer me words of encouragement, they know exactly what I'm talking about because they have the same problems but that doesn't resolve the issue of having a physical body to just hang out with and do whatever we choose to do. I enjoy so many things but of course being unemployed limits me as well because I certainly don't expect people to "pay my way" but I love the theatre, movies, trying new restaurants, museums, music...so many things and I try to do what I can, when I can, where I can, but I do it alone because most things I do now are through the television, or taking a drive for a change of scenery. I enjoy what I am able to do but I feel like my life is so totally limited now that I can't enjoy so many things because of the pain, the physical limitations, the anxiety around people, the depression because I feel like I am missing out on so much and the depression that the pain brings on, and the depression of having no income if I did have a "normal" day where I could go to a movie, or out to lunch or anything that of that nature. There is nothing I can say that makes sense to most people I come in physical contact with anymore because they cannot relate in any way to what I am feeling. I know I have to find something or someone or some group who does understand and has an open door for when I am feeling capable of taking part in something I have something to take part in. Who knows...maybe there are people just like me in my own town who feel the same and I need to start something for all of us. I have always been a doer. The first one to step up and take on a project. A very outgoing and social person who enjoyed entertaining. Where am I? I still think like that person, so who knows...maybe it's worth a try. I have just lost so much self confidence since these illnesses took over my body that I got buried under the weight of it all and I just need the courage and faith in myself to dig my way out. I have faith in God. I know He loves me no matter how I am feeling about the way I am now. I know I have hope for better days and years ahead living with these illnesses or not. THERE WILL BE GOOD DAYS!

 Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ★*´¨`*♥ Love, Gentle Hugs & Prayers♥*´¨`*★Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Fibromyalgia is a pain.....

...and it seems to be getting worse. No, that really isn't true. It's just that when the pain is so great it's hard to focus on anything and I belong to so many Fibro or Chronic Illness groups that I can't bring myself to post on when everything is hurting, so here I am, back on my blog, whining again. I am so sorry but I have to vent when I am hurting inside and out. DAMN! Damn! damn I started off today really good. Did all the dishes, not that there were that many, vacumed the entire house, and we do have a big house, and relaxed and enjoyed feeling decent and now that I let the pain get ahead of me I am in misery. It hurts to sit, it hurts to stand, it hurts to lay...my muscles hurt, my bones hurt, my joints hurt, my skin hurts, even my hair hurts but that is from the headache I'm sure. I've taken some more Excedrin but it hasn't kicked in yet and I had to take another Percocet, but as usual, I put off taking it until the pain was unbearable so now I just have to hang on and be as comfortable as I can get while it kicks in. Sometimes I think this is no way to live when I am in a flare and then again...living is much better than the alternative. I found a picture a while back. I'll have to post it here cause it pretty much says it in a nutshell.

 

 

 

                                                         

The Mirror

 

The Mirror

I wish I had a magic mirror

 to share with one and all.

A mirror that showed the whole truth

of the most beautiful one of all.

She isn’t a great beauty,

 except within her heart,

And when she looks into that mirror

 her reflection gives her a start.

For within the mirror’s reflection

is a beauty beyond compare.

It’s not what’s on the outside

but what’s in her heart, so rare.

She may not have the figure

 that most girls are dreaming of

She may be thin or overweight,

but the mirror reflects her love,

and in that love lies beauty

so glorious to behold.

Her beauty shines like diamonds,

glittering brightly among mere stones.

No matter how shiny a rock is,

or how perfect it appears.

Only the beauty of a heart filled with love

will last through all the years.

So don’t let anyone put you down

Cause if they looked in your mirror

The ugliness of their actions shine back

 seeing they're ugly through all their tears.

By Marti Gipson

June 26^th, 2011

I wrote this poem for a my dearest friend's daughter so she would know that no matter what jealous and mean people may say, that she is truly beautiful inside as much as she is outside. She's a wonderful young woman who is so bright she shines and so pretty she just isn't aware of it yet. Like most girls, myself included, we are our own worst enemies when it comes to criticism. We are so hard on ourselves and that is why I discovered how important it is to have women friends who you can trust with your very life, to depend on, to be honest and loving and remind you what a beautiful person you are. So...to all my female friends, young & old, I'm telling you now, how beautiful you are and how beautiful your heart & soul are, and what a beautiful friend you are to me.

OH YEAH! I'm back on Blogger!

I can't believe it...I am finally able to get back and post on my blog and I really would like to have as many of my FB friends as I can sign up as followers so you can get to know me even better. I love the freedom to say what I want and be able to share it with people who I think might be interested in my thoughts, my poetry, etc. Please share your thoughts and opinions with me. As you can see my poems are not something I share with everyone but I do want to share them with people whose opinion matters to me. Some you may like...some you may not but check it out & give me a chance to share even more of myself with you.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ★*´¨`*♥ Love, Gentle Hugs & Prayers♥*´¨`*★Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

❤.•✯☃✯•.❤ May your life be filled with... Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Joy Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ, ♥ Love ♥ & ♪♪♪ Laughter ♪♪♪! May you be blessed with good health, prosperity, & above all...a sense of gratitude for all the blessings in your life.❤.•✯☃✯•.❤

FINALLY!

     I don't know why I have had such a hard time with Blogger at home and I can get in from Mom's in Colorado. If I get home & it's still messed up I'm going to chuck it & go to another blog source. My wonderful friend, Amy, uses Blogger and has never had any trouble so I will see when I get home.
     Enough of that! I'm having a wonderful time in Colorado with my beloved family, getting to meet my newest granddaughter for the first time, & spending time with my other grand children, my sons & their wives and of course the greatest parents on Earth. This has been a very enlightening visit for many reasons but the length of this stay has allowed me time enough to get a feel for their day to day struggles and triumphs. They can tell me over the phone but until I see it first hand I have trouble putting it all together in my mind. This opportunity has given me a chance to come to understand my mother better and appreciate her even more. As always, I am a daddy's girl and even as he struggles with impatience due to physical limitations I am still and always will be his little girl and his pedestal I've had him on all my life may be getting a few chips in it, it is as strong as ever.

     This weekend is going to be hectic because all of my immediate family including my little brother and his family & grandchildren will be here Sunday to have a reunion of sorts and celebrate my baby brother's birthday. I hope it cools down some but it's still cooler than it's been at home since before I left. I look forward to getting home but not the pain that the heat + humidity brings with it for my Fibro & my Arthritis. I've really only had a couple days now when It's been bad enough to put me on the edge. But then, for the most part, except for an overnight to Ft. Collins to see my heart & soul sister/BFF, Amy, I've been inside in the AC and keeping cool. Actually freezing about 1/2 the time which is unusual for me.
     Okay, just got off the phone with my Love, and my meds for pain & to help me sleep are seriously kicking my butt so for tonight's blog report, I think I'll call it quits & tell you all goodnight, sweet dreams, have a wonderful day tomorrow and over the weekend. Be Safe!

Who Am I!

Who Am I?

Psoriasis

High Blood Pressure 

Migraines

Kidney Stones

Tension Headaches

Diabetes 

Allergies

Depression

Anxiety

Fatigue

 Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy  

Diabetic Neuropathy 

Fibromyalgia

 Osteo Arthritis

Psoriatic Arthritis

 I am so much more than that.

I am a woman!

I can do anything!

Or at least I used to...

I may not always accomplish everything I set out to do but I try as hard as I can on any given day. Some days it isn't worth the pain and effort and other days I feel like Super Woman. When I feel like that you can be relatively sure that I am going to be out of commission the next day or two. When you have invisible disabilities you try to do everything you can when you have a "good" day. The problem is in trying to make up for "bad" days you do more harm to your body and it lets you know in a BIG way. What I'm trying to get at in such a round about way is:

If you love me:

Be patient

Be kind

Be helpful, not hurtful

Be understanding, even if you don't.

No one is telling you that you have to like everything that is going on with me because I most certainly don't. I miss so many things that I have lost the ability to do. It's not like I enjoy lying around like a pile of junk. I miss my freedom more than anything else. I hate the limitations that the pain instills. 

Do you really think I like pain? 

Do you really think I like staying home all the time? 

Do you really think I'm just lazy? 

Do you really think it's just part of getting older?  

Do you really think I don't miss all the things I used to be able to do that I loved so much?

If you do, then you are the most self centered, inconsiderate, ignorant person I know and you can kiss my 

 

All of creation

Well, as usual I have been terrible about keeping up with my blogging even though I have done a lot of soapbox dancing on Facebook. I sometimes think I am better off just writing in here what I am thinking, feeling, whatever and just getting things off my chest. There is always so much going on on Facebook that keeps me distracted and so many things that need to be said but sometimes gets overlooked. For example...I've got this ongoing philosophy regarding how I think mankind needs to look at things in order to have more peace in the world. I firmly believe that:

• Do no harm, either physically or emotionally.

If everyone did their best to treat one another with kindness and to respect each others rights we wouldn't have so much conflict in this world. Same goes for each others differences...diversity is what creation was all about. God understood what differences were and made it so that those differences still allowed all living things to co-exist in harmony. What's changed that we can't show someone who is different the same kind of compassion that we would show a brother or sister?
The Bible says that God created man in His own image. I don't think that meant Adam looked like God but that he had a heart to love with, a brain to think with, arms to give comfort, and legs to travel across the land in search of other living creatures that might need that love & comfort.
This attitude so many people have towards their fellow man & woman has gotten mixed up somewhere along the way and I think Satan was the instigator of that. He is the one who seeks conflict because as they say...divided we fall. Why is it since God created all living things can we not accept different races, different sexes, different religions, different beliefs. Since the days of Babel when the tribes went their separate ways has our world been so filled with hatred for anyone that is different from "our" people.

I'm so OVER it!

     Oh how I wish I could go back to yesterday when my body was pain free and I felt like there wasn't anything I couldn't do. I was Superwoman! I wasn't perfect but at least I gave life all I had to give and felt pride in doing so.
Now here I am, over 50, overweight, & overwhelmed. I just don't know which end is up some days. Thank God for a wonderful man, a loving family, and supportive friends. I feel so blessed but I sure don't feel like I am much of a blessing to them.
     I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia over a year ago and had I known what it as and what the indications were I would have known what was going on with me a long time ago. I blamed it on weight gain...because I hurt so much when I much excersise, I have muscles that hurt and spasm and joints that ache and grind against each other. I just sort of gave up on days when I was hurting and took advantage of days when I felt on top of the world. As time went on I got worse and worse and blamed it on stress at work and with the economy. I was already on anti depressants and anti anxiety medications but though it helped my emotional status it didn't do much for the physical one. I was sent to a rhuematologist since I have had Psoriasis since I was diagnosed at 8 years old and the suspected Psoriatic Arthritis (PSA). I received injections in my joints and was started on Methotrexate, which is a chemo drug. It actually started clearing up the outward skin lesions but after a few months of treatment it stopped working. I stopped the treatment gradually because chemo weakens your immune system and I didn't want to destroy mine for no reason.I was told that there was no obvious crippling from PSA at this time. The rhuematologist also told me that the blood tests he took came back negative for Fibromyalgia. The pain continued to get worse as well as tension headaches.Luckily I got in contact with a dear, long, lost friend and found out she was suffering from Fibromyalgia and when I told her what my rhuematologist had to say she told me to find a real doctor. I actually confronted my regular doc & he told me there is no blood test for Fibromyalgia.
     I guess I will just have to learn to take each day as it comes and make the best of it. On days when the pain is just to much I will have to forgive myself and just take it easy. If no one at home understands then they will just have to deal with it. I know who I was and I know who I have become and I have to take care of me to the best of my ability because no one can do it for me.

Jumbled Thoughts

     Some days the pain is almost more than I can take. Today is one of those days that I have to push myself to function at my most minimal capacity. It weighs on my heart when I hurt to much to be worth anything. I know it sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself but that's really not it. I just hurt!
     I still can acknowledge the wonderful things around me and in my life and be grateful. That is only the grace of God that allows me that joy and peace of mind.
     I hate the pain tears when I know that I am so blessed I should only be singing God's praises. Then before I realize it those same tears seem to be tears of love for what I do have.
     I know I'm rambling today and I don't know why I continue but I need to put what I'm feeling into words. It's healing for me to do so.
     I'm luckier than many because I do have an outlet in my writing. It lets me shout out my anger and frustration, my pain and sorrow, my love and joy and every emotion I have trouble containing for fear I might explode. I am a highly emotional person and feel things deeper than I want to sometimes. They call it empathy. There are times I wish I didn't feel so much of what other people are going through because it causes me a great deal of sadness and heartache. But on the other hand it allows me to share in their joys and celebrate the great things that happen in their lives.
     I once took a test to determine what gifts God has given me to use for His glory and empathy was at the top of the list.Thank you God for your many gifts and blessings in my life. Even when I am feeling bad You always remind me how much You love me and that I am Your child.

My Love Experience!

Today was one of those days when you discover the unknown factors of love.
     I remember my feelings about love as a 20 something woman. It was supposed to be all about romance, adventure, passion, all the things that are supposed to ignite the love and keep that flame burning. Boy was I in for a let down. There was some passion, but that was just the newness of the experience. There was some adventure, that was pretty few and far between and some of the adventures were not a fun thing to say the least. There was never any romance but it was because I was young & naive and fell for the proverbial "bad boy". BIG mistakes ladies!
     Now when I was in my 40's I had been married for 24 years & divorced. I found love again with someone who respected, romanced, and practically worshiped the ground I walked on. The passion was there because of the love but was very subdued and tender. This love was not meant to be permanent because there was quite a few years between us but he loved me more as a friend & nurturer as he pulled me through the hurt and lack of self esteem I gained from my marriage and taught me how to love myself no matter what anyone else thought. He truly made me, a better me. We had a very short time together because he passed away. It broke my heart because we had so little time together and I was sure no one would ever love me like that again. I was right about that. No love is the same. We weren't together long enough to develop a truly intimate relationship but he always told me I needed to find someone younger because he wouldn't be around forever. He had asked me to marry him but I wasn't anywhere near ready and I was honestly to scared, after putting so many years into my first marriage, to want to do it again.
     A couple years later I met a man who was from K.C. through a friend of his, that I knew because we worked for the same company (in different states). When they came to Colorado on a photography expedition we met for coffee and spent a few hours together and kept in touch when they left. He was the nicest & funniest man I had ever met. To make a long story short, he and I grew from friendship to love and after 2 years of long distance romance I moved to K. C. to join him.
     Now my whole purspose in writing this is to let you know that today he was off and had some errands to run and I originally was going to stay home. He mentioned going to lunch but I still wasn't feeling great and thought I would stay home. Lo & behold, I was looking into his beautiful eyes and realized we hadn't spent much time together since Christmas because I haven't fell well for a while now (Thanks Fibro!). I decided I wanted to spend some time with him. I needed to spend some time with him. I was missing him. We see each other every day but we are each doing our own thing and it isn't the same. I was able to ride along with him. Watch the expressions on his face as I stared at his profile. As I made comments about how cute he was or just enjoyed watching him while we talked, he gets these wonderful crinkles at the corner of his eyes when he smiles. I was suddenly reminded why I love this man so much. We argue over stupid things, we both are horribly bitchy when we don't feel good, we both do things the other doesn't care for but truth be known...this man is adventurous...he loves road trips and discovering new places or things we've never seen.That in itself is so wonderful since I have gotten sick and can't do much hiking or long distance walking anymore. He's passionate about everything in his life that he enjoys and shares it with me. He is tender when he needs to be, we enjoy talking about everything under the sun. I think he likes me, because as intelligent as he is...I can usually hold my own in a conversation with him. Most of all...though it's few & far between...he is romantic. He surprises me once in a while by doing something so thoughtful just for me and it fills my heart with so much love. 
   I just want everyone to know that no love is perfect! Older love feels wonderful! That flame that you hope for in your youth becomes so warm and comfortable and relaxing and just plain makes you feel good when you get older, I have such a sense of contentment & joy that there are times I could shout from the rooftops my happiness that I have found in my relationship with my Rex!

Pain Pain Go Away

Today is one of those days when I have about given up and given in to Fibro. All I want to do is lie down with a heating pad & pop pain pills like candy. I thought Fibromyalgia didn't get worse over time that it just was and there it stayed. I'm so confused. I have the Nueropathy and the Psoratic Arthritis as well and I know they can get worse. I just know that the last three days have gone from bad to excruciating. All I can do is cry when the pain killer wears off. This is no way to live. I apologized to my wonderful fiance last night because I know it frustrates him, but dammit, how do people think I feel. I'm not a couch potato but I am becoming one some days. It's so unfair to ask someone to sit by and watch you feel sorry for yourself when he has to go to work everyday and I can't seem to do the dishes everyday, much less anything else. I HATE this! I definitely try my best to keep my spirits up and to lift up the people around me so I apologize to you all, too because I just can't seem to shake this pain filled flare long enough to say the right words to give you comfort. Just know that you are thought of in the kindest way and with much love & prayer. I know this to shall pass but I sure hope it would finish a bit quicker.
♥Love & Gentle Hugs & Prayers♥

Rest in Peace, Lance! Sad ending to 2010! Rough beginning to 2011!

       I just came from my fiance's sister's, grandson, Lance's, funeral. It was beautiful, as funerals go, and so many people. I would guess over 300 at the funeral but there were probably close to 1000 at his visitation last night. We're talking a 19 year old young man who's life was just truly beginning. This happened New Year's Eve. No alcohol involved just a matter of not having his seat belt on. His younger brother was in the vehicle with him but did have his on and came away with bruises and the knowledge that his oldest brother was dead. Lance swerved, over corrected, lost control and when the car rolled he was ejected & the car ended up on top of him and crushing the life out of him.
     I know this year is a new beginning in many ways but for the brothers & sister of this young man, not to mention his immediate & extended family members, it is a very hard way to begin a new year. The only hope,  in this tragedy, is that all the young people, who were his classmates & friends, as well as all his many cousins & sibling's have learned a valuable lesson in driver safety as well as always wearing a seat-belt. That goes for we adults as well as it dawned on me as I was driving down the highway that I hadn't put mine on either.
     I am a grandma myself and my grandchildren always have reminded me to put mine on and I know I'm not immortal like I used to think I was when I was around Lance's age. Not immortal really but I thought, like most young adults do, that things like that won't happen to me because I'm young & healthy & blah, blah, blah. The sudden unexpected death of a class mate of mine, due to a blood clot, when I was in high school woke me up to the fact that youth has no bearing on mortality. He was 16 years old.
     My hope is that we all, those who knew Lance and anyone who sees this blog, will remember how important life is and to be as safe as we can in any given circumstance. Wear your seat belt! Keep your children in car seats! Don't talk or text while driving! This is a big one now days with everyone with a cell phone & text messaging! Don't drink & drive! I guess the main thing is to be responsible in everything you do. That won't guarantee you'll live to a ripe old age but it will certainly make your chances so much better as well as the chances of anyone you come in contact with and pass these words of wisdom on to.

One Young Life Lost

It's hard to say goodbye to one

So young and full of life

I look up to the heavens

And quietly ask God why

God wasn't angry with him

But He took him anyway

I know there is a reason though

But what I cannot say

I know that he is with our Lord

Because he did believe

Because he knew the Father's Son

Eternal life he'll receive

My prayer is those who knew him

Will learn from his short life

Make the most of the time you have

And don't give in to strife.

Know that at any moment 

You just might breathe your last

 Make the most of your life now

And not live in the past

Grab life tightly with both hands

And live the best you can

Live your life with faith and hope 

And love for your fellow man.

In memory of Lance L. Johnson

by Marti Gipson

Jan.6,2011