Memories that Fall Brings

 

The beautiful colors of red, orange and gold,

That announce the changing of seasons.

The fragrance adds it's own special touch

And lifts my spirit for so many reasons.

Hearing the sound of the leaves as they crunch

As I walk through these trees so admired.

To see God's handy work around everywhere

Leaves me feeling content and inspired.

I smell the wood smoke from someone's fire

Which only sets the tone for this day.

I breathe in deeply and close my eyes

And let memories take me away.

Away from the pain that fills me up

To a place where I'm healthy once more.

Where my life is filled with laughter and love,

Everyday, as it has been before.

by Marti Gipson

Sept. 25, 2011

     Oh yes...it's one of those days. It amazes me how, even on days where my pain isn't severe, it's still there. Like a haunting spirit that lingers within, with a dullness that can only be felt enough to know it's there and to make you so uncomfortable that you still aren't yourself and every effort to accomplish anything is only a passing thought and seems impossible to do. I still have it better than most and I still have my faith and love in God, to see me through. It's a small price to pay for all the blessings I have had and continue to have in my life. I have wonderful parents who are still with me. I have the greatest sons a woman could ever hope for who have brought me lovely daughters and the most amazing grandchildren. I miss them terribly because they are all in Colorado (and Texas) but I see them when I can and talk to them as often as I can. See what I mean...truly blessed. 

     I'm also blessed to have found a wonderful man in my fall years ( and thanks to my health issues I also mean that literally :) ) to whom I am so devoted. We are having some struggles right now partially due to my health issues because there is nothing he can do to make it better and I think he is feeling at a loss. That's all right though. I understand. I am praying that we can get over this rough patch intact because I know he loves me and I am crazy about him so if you've a mind to...please pray for us both. (now I know my family will most likely see this so don't worry...everything is all right it's just one of those things.)

     I just felt like sharing this poem with you and to let you know that I'm okay, just feeling a bit on the outside looking in and it brings me down a bit and I needed to get it off my chest and this is my place to do just that.

Thanks for listening!

 ♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღ❤.❀✯Lotsa ☃ Love✯•.❤ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥
✿❀•*¨*•.¸¸ Prayers Without End ¸¸.•*¨*•❀✿
 Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥ Gentle Hugs Wrapped Around You♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Question for the day.....Chronic Pain Info- Here's a question..

Chronic Pain Info

Here's a question.. you, like I, may be dealing with multiple physical situations that cause you pain or discomfort. If in giving others an update on your life you mention that you don't feel as good as you'd like today, is that whining or is that just stating the facts?

I came across this post, above, on FB today in my feed and I thought how appropriate. Of course I had to respond to such a valid question. This was my answer: I feel sharing a bad day elicits wonderful words of encouragement & support from friends who have shared the experience and know first hand what I need the most. Just someone who cares and acknowledges & validates your feelings when some of those closest to you either can't or won't understand and look at you like "here we go again".  

     Just this morning, after a pleasant evening with my other half, he still seemed in a more loving mood than usual. I got up in pain with a headache, took some meds and sat in the recliner first thing, before he came out of his room, and waited for the meds to kick in and take the worst of it away. He came out, made a cup of coffee, and joined me in the living room for a pleasant conversation. Since I hadn't eaten anything the meds upset my tummy so I got some milk & crackers to settle it down. He mentioned he was hungry and went to the basement to get on the computer before he went to work. He came back up and I was feeling better and asked if he would like me to fix him some breakfast. His response, "that would be nice. Sounds all right, but the tone had that "for a change" note to it. I ignored it as he told me he would like a BLT, if I was feeling up to it. I got dressed and got everything ready for his BLT. I even cut it on the diagonal like he likes so well (sometimes it takes such a small thing to make them happy). I called down to him so he finished what he was doing and came up to eat. He started getting dressed for work and when he came out he told me to do the dishes, then cut the watermelon he had bought almost a week ago, 'like he does so it doesn't make a mess'. I told him I would if I could because sometimes it's hard for me to do things like that with my arthitis. He rolled his eyes and told me I'd manage. Then he proceeded to tell me to not eat all the heart out of the melon like I always do. That stopped me in my tracks, I rarely ever cut a watermelon because it's to hard sometimes to do. What I usually end up doing is cutting it up in small pieces off the rind & putting it in a container. He cuts the melons. He slices away the center and eats it to 'see if it's any good' He said this in front of his aged mother and her even more aged companion and I was so embaressed with him treating me like I'm some kind of lazy (for maybe not being able to cut the melon), selfish (for eating all the best part of the melon, NOT), woman. 

     Now I know this isn't a big deal and probably nothing to post about but this is, and has been, an ongoing issue, worse since I got to the point physically that most of the time I am very limited in what I can do and the length of time it takes me to get it done. I'm sure most who read this will think..."and she thinks she's got it rough". Well the point is this...I do have a limited ability and I should not be shamed or blamed for it. It doesn't matter how small of a detail it is, they add up and soon a lot of tiny little remarks add up to an huge volume of those little nasty remarks & embarrassments to fill you heart, mind, & soul with hurt & humiliation to totally destroy your spirit. 
     This is precisely why I posted that answer and why I am posting it in this blog. I desperately need the encouragement & love I get from people, most of whom I have never met face to face, because those who are suppose to love and care about me, only do it at their convenience. No...don't get me wrong, I don't mean my immediate family, I mean my fiance & his family. The people I live with day in and day out. So beloved FB, Fibro & other Invisible Disability friends, please know when I whine it's because I need to know someone really understands and really cares how I'm coping and offers me that love & compassion because they know what it's like. So thank you for your love & support whenever I come to you whining because I'm hurting & sad & feeling a bit sorry for myself. This, too, shall pass.

•*¨*•.¸¸ღ❤Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❀Love, Gentle Hugs & Prayers❀Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❤ღ¸¸.•*¨*•

Possibilities of Love

I am a well of love that fills to the brim then overflows. It's a bottomless well fed eternally by the love of God for it is He that fills me.

I love my family and friends but I also feel love toward people I don't know and may never have the opportunity to meet around the world. I sometimes wonder if I am just one of a privileged few to feel this depth of love, that it fills my heart near to exploding with the joy of it. I see so much to love all around me in so many ways. I see the beauty in nature and I feel love. I see children happily playing together in harmony and I feel love. I hear the voice of an earthbound angel singing a song that touches me and I feel love. I see an aging couple across a small table holding hands and I feel love. I see a soldier coming home or heading off on deployment, arms wrapped around his wife or girlfriend or kneeling to hug his children and I feel love. I see a doe in the woods with her beautiful spotted twins grazing next to her and I feel love. There are so many things in this world filled with trials & suffering and yet these visions of love are what fill my heart and remind me without love there is nothing.  ♥*´¨`*♥....and the greatest of these is love.♥*´¨`*♥


The reason this topic came to mind is because there are so many friends I have made on the social site of Face Book and I feel love for them no matter where they are in the world. How blessed I feel to be able to love others and feel their love in return. Love breeds peace and harmony while hate breeds contempt and selfishness. 

1 Corinthians 13 4:7 

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

1 Corinthians 13:13

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Where did I go?

I have been looking back over my life and remembering the person I used to really like but I've changed so much in the last several years that I am not sure who I am anymore. I know I'm sadly disappointed in myself because even though I try, I can't do many of the things I used to enjoy so much. With my invisible illnesses it's really hard to let people know why I am so different now because other than being older I still look healthy enough. Because of the pain, which leads to depression, which leads to anxiety, which leads to, which leads to, which leads to, and the vicious cycle continues. I have become almost a recluse sometimes and I'm not totally sure why. I know I have isolated myself and I have insulated myself to life in some ways. Where I used to be so outgoing and friendly, I am now nervous around people. Where I used to be the first one ready to go out to dinner or for drinks with friends, I still want to do that but now I drag my feet so long and people get tired of waiting. I am just so filled with dread of the pain it causes me when I'm hurting already to go out & do anything. I can't make plans or just drop what I'm doing to go do something with friends because I can't guarantee I'm going to be up for it. I know it's hard for those who don't deal with this on a daily basis to be able to understand where I'm coming from. I think many people just think I don't want to do things with them anymore and if they only knew how much I miss my interaction with peers. I feel like I have no friends because they can't understand what they have never experienced so I can't be angry at them and feel like they have deserted me because in reality, I have deserted them. I have my friends on FB who are suffering along with me but they are all over the world. That isn't to say that they aren't friends in the truest sense because they are there for me online any time I need to vent. They pray for me, they offer me words of encouragement, they know exactly what I'm talking about because they have the same problems but that doesn't resolve the issue of having a physical body to just hang out with and do whatever we choose to do. I enjoy so many things but of course being unemployed limits me as well because I certainly don't expect people to "pay my way" but I love the theatre, movies, trying new restaurants, museums, music...so many things and I try to do what I can, when I can, where I can, but I do it alone because most things I do now are through the television, or taking a drive for a change of scenery. I enjoy what I am able to do but I feel like my life is so totally limited now that I can't enjoy so many things because of the pain, the physical limitations, the anxiety around people, the depression because I feel like I am missing out on so much and the depression that the pain brings on, and the depression of having no income if I did have a "normal" day where I could go to a movie, or out to lunch or anything that of that nature. There is nothing I can say that makes sense to most people I come in physical contact with anymore because they cannot relate in any way to what I am feeling. I know I have to find something or someone or some group who does understand and has an open door for when I am feeling capable of taking part in something I have something to take part in. Who knows...maybe there are people just like me in my own town who feel the same and I need to start something for all of us. I have always been a doer. The first one to step up and take on a project. A very outgoing and social person who enjoyed entertaining. Where am I? I still think like that person, so who knows...maybe it's worth a try. I have just lost so much self confidence since these illnesses took over my body that I got buried under the weight of it all and I just need the courage and faith in myself to dig my way out. I have faith in God. I know He loves me no matter how I am feeling about the way I am now. I know I have hope for better days and years ahead living with these illnesses or not. THERE WILL BE GOOD DAYS!

 Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ★*´¨`*♥ Love, Gentle Hugs & Prayers♥*´¨`*★Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Fibromyalgia is a pain.....

...and it seems to be getting worse. No, that really isn't true. It's just that when the pain is so great it's hard to focus on anything and I belong to so many Fibro or Chronic Illness groups that I can't bring myself to post on when everything is hurting, so here I am, back on my blog, whining again. I am so sorry but I have to vent when I am hurting inside and out. DAMN! Damn! damn I started off today really good. Did all the dishes, not that there were that many, vacumed the entire house, and we do have a big house, and relaxed and enjoyed feeling decent and now that I let the pain get ahead of me I am in misery. It hurts to sit, it hurts to stand, it hurts to lay...my muscles hurt, my bones hurt, my joints hurt, my skin hurts, even my hair hurts but that is from the headache I'm sure. I've taken some more Excedrin but it hasn't kicked in yet and I had to take another Percocet, but as usual, I put off taking it until the pain was unbearable so now I just have to hang on and be as comfortable as I can get while it kicks in. Sometimes I think this is no way to live when I am in a flare and then again...living is much better than the alternative. I found a picture a while back. I'll have to post it here cause it pretty much says it in a nutshell.