My Love Experience!

Today was one of those days when you discover the unknown factors of love.
     I remember my feelings about love as a 20 something woman. It was supposed to be all about romance, adventure, passion, all the things that are supposed to ignite the love and keep that flame burning. Boy was I in for a let down. There was some passion, but that was just the newness of the experience. There was some adventure, that was pretty few and far between and some of the adventures were not a fun thing to say the least. There was never any romance but it was because I was young & naive and fell for the proverbial "bad boy". BIG mistakes ladies!
     Now when I was in my 40's I had been married for 24 years & divorced. I found love again with someone who respected, romanced, and practically worshiped the ground I walked on. The passion was there because of the love but was very subdued and tender. This love was not meant to be permanent because there was quite a few years between us but he loved me more as a friend & nurturer as he pulled me through the hurt and lack of self esteem I gained from my marriage and taught me how to love myself no matter what anyone else thought. He truly made me, a better me. We had a very short time together because he passed away. It broke my heart because we had so little time together and I was sure no one would ever love me like that again. I was right about that. No love is the same. We weren't together long enough to develop a truly intimate relationship but he always told me I needed to find someone younger because he wouldn't be around forever. He had asked me to marry him but I wasn't anywhere near ready and I was honestly to scared, after putting so many years into my first marriage, to want to do it again.
     A couple years later I met a man who was from K.C. through a friend of his, that I knew because we worked for the same company (in different states). When they came to Colorado on a photography expedition we met for coffee and spent a few hours together and kept in touch when they left. He was the nicest & funniest man I had ever met. To make a long story short, he and I grew from friendship to love and after 2 years of long distance romance I moved to K. C. to join him.
     Now my whole purspose in writing this is to let you know that today he was off and had some errands to run and I originally was going to stay home. He mentioned going to lunch but I still wasn't feeling great and thought I would stay home. Lo & behold, I was looking into his beautiful eyes and realized we hadn't spent much time together since Christmas because I haven't fell well for a while now (Thanks Fibro!). I decided I wanted to spend some time with him. I needed to spend some time with him. I was missing him. We see each other every day but we are each doing our own thing and it isn't the same. I was able to ride along with him. Watch the expressions on his face as I stared at his profile. As I made comments about how cute he was or just enjoyed watching him while we talked, he gets these wonderful crinkles at the corner of his eyes when he smiles. I was suddenly reminded why I love this man so much. We argue over stupid things, we both are horribly bitchy when we don't feel good, we both do things the other doesn't care for but truth be known...this man is adventurous...he loves road trips and discovering new places or things we've never seen.That in itself is so wonderful since I have gotten sick and can't do much hiking or long distance walking anymore. He's passionate about everything in his life that he enjoys and shares it with me. He is tender when he needs to be, we enjoy talking about everything under the sun. I think he likes me, because as intelligent as he is...I can usually hold my own in a conversation with him. Most of all...though it's few & far between...he is romantic. He surprises me once in a while by doing something so thoughtful just for me and it fills my heart with so much love. 
   I just want everyone to know that no love is perfect! Older love feels wonderful! That flame that you hope for in your youth becomes so warm and comfortable and relaxing and just plain makes you feel good when you get older, I have such a sense of contentment & joy that there are times I could shout from the rooftops my happiness that I have found in my relationship with my Rex!

Pain Pain Go Away

Today is one of those days when I have about given up and given in to Fibro. All I want to do is lie down with a heating pad & pop pain pills like candy. I thought Fibromyalgia didn't get worse over time that it just was and there it stayed. I'm so confused. I have the Nueropathy and the Psoratic Arthritis as well and I know they can get worse. I just know that the last three days have gone from bad to excruciating. All I can do is cry when the pain killer wears off. This is no way to live. I apologized to my wonderful fiance last night because I know it frustrates him, but dammit, how do people think I feel. I'm not a couch potato but I am becoming one some days. It's so unfair to ask someone to sit by and watch you feel sorry for yourself when he has to go to work everyday and I can't seem to do the dishes everyday, much less anything else. I HATE this! I definitely try my best to keep my spirits up and to lift up the people around me so I apologize to you all, too because I just can't seem to shake this pain filled flare long enough to say the right words to give you comfort. Just know that you are thought of in the kindest way and with much love & prayer. I know this to shall pass but I sure hope it would finish a bit quicker.
♥Love & Gentle Hugs & Prayers♥

Rest in Peace, Lance! Sad ending to 2010! Rough beginning to 2011!

       I just came from my fiance's sister's, grandson, Lance's, funeral. It was beautiful, as funerals go, and so many people. I would guess over 300 at the funeral but there were probably close to 1000 at his visitation last night. We're talking a 19 year old young man who's life was just truly beginning. This happened New Year's Eve. No alcohol involved just a matter of not having his seat belt on. His younger brother was in the vehicle with him but did have his on and came away with bruises and the knowledge that his oldest brother was dead. Lance swerved, over corrected, lost control and when the car rolled he was ejected & the car ended up on top of him and crushing the life out of him.
     I know this year is a new beginning in many ways but for the brothers & sister of this young man, not to mention his immediate & extended family members, it is a very hard way to begin a new year. The only hope,  in this tragedy, is that all the young people, who were his classmates & friends, as well as all his many cousins & sibling's have learned a valuable lesson in driver safety as well as always wearing a seat-belt. That goes for we adults as well as it dawned on me as I was driving down the highway that I hadn't put mine on either.
     I am a grandma myself and my grandchildren always have reminded me to put mine on and I know I'm not immortal like I used to think I was when I was around Lance's age. Not immortal really but I thought, like most young adults do, that things like that won't happen to me because I'm young & healthy & blah, blah, blah. The sudden unexpected death of a class mate of mine, due to a blood clot, when I was in high school woke me up to the fact that youth has no bearing on mortality. He was 16 years old.
     My hope is that we all, those who knew Lance and anyone who sees this blog, will remember how important life is and to be as safe as we can in any given circumstance. Wear your seat belt! Keep your children in car seats! Don't talk or text while driving! This is a big one now days with everyone with a cell phone & text messaging! Don't drink & drive! I guess the main thing is to be responsible in everything you do. That won't guarantee you'll live to a ripe old age but it will certainly make your chances so much better as well as the chances of anyone you come in contact with and pass these words of wisdom on to.

One Young Life Lost

It's hard to say goodbye to one

So young and full of life

I look up to the heavens

And quietly ask God why

God wasn't angry with him

But He took him anyway

I know there is a reason though

But what I cannot say

I know that he is with our Lord

Because he did believe

Because he knew the Father's Son

Eternal life he'll receive

My prayer is those who knew him

Will learn from his short life

Make the most of the time you have

And don't give in to strife.

Know that at any moment 

You just might breathe your last

 Make the most of your life now

And not live in the past

Grab life tightly with both hands

And live the best you can

Live your life with faith and hope 

And love for your fellow man.

In memory of Lance L. Johnson

by Marti Gipson

Jan.6,2011